Thursday, October 8, 2015


This whole experience has really put a lot of things into perspective. There are so many moving pieces in life in general, and when you throw the C-word into the mix things get darn complicated!

We all take a lot for granted everyday, so I'm going to make a list of things that I used to take for granted, but from here on out will have a whole new appreciation for:

The feeling in my fingertips. 
My husband being the most amazing person to walk this earth. 
Fit muscles. 
Eating foods with "Live Cultures".
My mom being willing to drop everything for me, to do whatever I need or want. 
Having friends who care so much about my well-being. 
My immune system. 
Having health insurance. 
My dad living right across the street from me. 
Having a normal shaped face that isn't puffy from Prednisone.
Starting a family. 
Showering without a PICC line. 
Kind nurses.  
Living in a community that will stop in their tracks to help someone who needs it. 
Sleeping through the night without unexplained pain. 
Strangers who reach out. 
Doctors who know what they're doing. 
Marrying into the most supportive and loving family in the world. 
Having hair. 
Being able to go to the grocery store or other public places without a mask. 
Getting to be a teacher. 
Having energy. 
Being at home. 

Yesterday I started writing, and it was really hard. I had let my brain go to mush while I was in the hospital, I guess I had other things to worry about. It took me hours to get something down on paper, and I still couldn't figure out if I was making any sense. But then it got easier and easier as the day went on. And then I couldn't stop writing. It was the craziest thing! Now I have pages of thoughts written down, in all sorts of different stages of completion, that I will eventually post here on my blog. I figured I would outline how this whole experience has affected different parts of my life already in a couple different blog posts about some general topics that have really played big factors in this whole adventure already, and I'm sure as things go on my perspectives will continue to change and grow.

The crazy part is that once I started writing, my thoughts became more and more clear. And then I couldn't stop thinking! So I got a terrible nights sleep last night, because for the first time since my diagnosis, I was thinking of all the things I needed to do and could do to be productive. I was adding to my to-do list, I was writing down ideas of things to write about, and I was thinking about what papers needed to be filed and bills needed to be paid.

In a selfish way, I am sort of using this whole blogging thing to turn my brain back on, maybe it will make my grad school work easier or at least keep "chemo brain" at bay. And obviously this will be great for me to look back on once this adventure is in the rear view mirror. And maybe someone will read this who is going through a similar adventure and it will help them in someway. Regardless, I'm doing it.

Don't let me slack off, people!

Much love!


  1. McKenzie, in my short conversation with you I was immediately impressed by your enthusiasm and optimism and made a mental note to to myself to come back and see you inspire your students with that attitude.
    Your optimism is undiminished, your inner strength survives, and I believe in your ability to prevail in this adventure.

    1. Thank you so much Bill. I can't wait to get back in the classroom!

  2. Dear Beautiful McKenzie,
    Thank you for this blog. I hope that it is helpful for you to share all of what you are going through.
    You are going to get through this, and will have so much to share with your students. They will be amazed with who you are and will love you all the more.
    I am grateful to be able to connect with you, since I don't live near by. I'm rooting for you, sending you love and strength every day to get through the rough days. As I work on your quilt, I am sending you these good thoughts into each stitch!
    You are amazing! You are a warrior!

    1. Thank you so much Heidi! I'm so excited about that quilt! And I took your advice and bought some Gin-Gins for when the nausea starts.