We all take a lot for granted everyday, so I'm going to make a list of things that I used to take for granted, but from here on out will have a whole new appreciation for:
The feeling in my fingertips.
My husband being the most amazing person to walk this earth.
Eating foods with "Live Cultures".
My mom being willing to drop everything for me, to do whatever I need or want.
Having friends who care so much about my well-being.
My immune system.
Having health insurance.
My dad living right across the street from me.
Having a normal shaped face that isn't puffy from Prednisone.
Starting a family.
Showering without a PICC line.
Living in a community that will stop in their tracks to help someone who needs it.
Sleeping through the night without unexplained pain.
Strangers who reach out.
Doctors who know what they're doing.
Marrying into the most supportive and loving family in the world.
Being able to go to the grocery store or other public places without a mask.
Getting to be a teacher.
Being at home.
Yesterday I started writing, and it was really hard. I had let my brain go to mush while I was in the hospital, I guess I had other things to worry about. It took me hours to get something down on paper, and I still couldn't figure out if I was making any sense. But then it got easier and easier as the day went on. And then I couldn't stop writing. It was the craziest thing! Now I have pages of thoughts written down, in all sorts of different stages of completion, that I will eventually post here on my blog. I figured I would outline how this whole experience has affected different parts of my life already in a couple different blog posts about some general topics that have really played big factors in this whole adventure already, and I'm sure as things go on my perspectives will continue to change and grow.
The crazy part is that once I started writing, my thoughts became more and more clear. And then I couldn't stop thinking! So I got a terrible nights sleep last night, because for the first time since my diagnosis, I was thinking of all the things I needed to do and could do to be productive. I was adding to my to-do list, I was writing down ideas of things to write about, and I was thinking about what papers needed to be filed and bills needed to be paid.
In a selfish way, I am sort of using this whole blogging thing to turn my brain back on, maybe it will make my grad school work easier or at least keep "chemo brain" at bay. And obviously this will be great for me to look back on once this adventure is in the rear view mirror. And maybe someone will read this who is going through a similar adventure and it will help them in someway. Regardless, I'm doing it.
Don't let me slack off, people!